Twas the night before code freeze

A holiday poem from Kyle Montgomery

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Twas the night before code freeze
And all through the day
Coders had been coding
And QA’ers QA’ing

The templates were sent
To the compiler with care
Knowing product launch
Soon would be there

The developers were nestled
All snug at their desks
While visions of coffee
Danced in their heads

And PM in her kerchief,
And Product Owner in his cap
Were eager to settle their brains
For a long winter nap

When out on the floor
There arose such a clatter:
“The latest build failed!
Can you see what is the matter?”

Away to their cubicles
The devs flew like a flash
Tore open the source code
And pushed up the patch.

Yet the homepage, on the breast
Of the shiny compile
Fell to a list of regressions
Whose length was a mile

Indeed, what to their wandering
Eyes should divert
But a broken checkout
With no way to convert!

“We need our little old tech lead,
So lively and quick.
He’ll know in a moment,
What must be the fix!”

More rapid than eagles
The plan of attack came
The tech lead whistled
And called out by name:

“Now David, now Masha!
Refactor this component.
Now Jamie, now Lidiya!
Please reskin this asset.

“On Landon, on Chetan!
Split this controller in two!
On Jon, on Paul!
Can you perform a code review?

“From the tip of the branch
At all ends of the hall
Now code away! Code away!
Code away all!”

The team, mildly annoyed
At the tech lead’s loud passion
Nevertheless coded
In unbridled fashion

As dry leaves that before
The wild hurricane fly
When they meet with an obstacle
Mount to the sky

So up to the repository
The pull requests flew
With a sleigh full of hotfixes
And an enhancement too

And then, in a twinkling
Was heard from the room
“This build looks amazing!
Is that a full product zoom?

“It’s responsive, it’s accessible.
It’s mobile-first to boot.
This update will surely
Bring in the loot!”

The Product Owner happily cried;
The PM’s worries abated;
The developers were tired;
The tech lead elated

“Let’s freeze the code now!”
The PM insisted.
“But what about analytics?”
The Product Owner resisted.

The developers listened
Intent on the freeze
Analytics were in the sprint
But with no guarantees

“Analytics are done,”
A shy coder offered.
“I submitted the pull request
But no developer had bothered.”

A wink of the tech lead’s eye
And a twist of his head
Soon gave us to know
We had nothing to dread

The TL spoke not a word
But went straight to his work
And rebased the branch
Then merged with a jerk

We watched the build closely
And gritted our teeth
The progress bar encircling
Our heads like a wreath

“The build looks good!”
The Product Owner said with a ring
“Now let’s have QA
Test the hell out of this thing.”

With a yawn and a whimper,
The developers waited
Their coffee jars emptied,
Their collective breath bated

The QA team shuffled
Then a thumbs up was gestured!
To the relieved exclamation
Of the team, non-indentured

Swiftly the collective
Packed up and rose
The cubicles emptied
The doors swung and slammed close

The devs sprang to their cars
To each other gave a whistle
Away they all flew
Like the down of a thistle

And they heard the PM exclaim
Ere they drove out of sight,
“Happy Code Freeze to all!
And to all a good night!”

Kyle Montgomery, Fluid’s Director of eCommerce Development, is a Salesforce Commerce Cloud Solution Strategist and certified Technical Architect. Email Kyle at kmontgomery@fluid.com or follow him on Twitter at @kmonty7.

 

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